Learning to Choose: A Story About Freedom After Structure

Some years ago, I became the guardian of a boy who had lived in a children's home since he was about five or six. In the home, everything was decided for him when to wake up, what to eat, when to bathe, when to sleep. His whole life ran on a strict routine. No choices, just obedience.

Then one day, he was released from the home and placed under my care. That first morning, I noticed him sitting in the kitchen looking… lost. No one had prepared breakfast for him.

I told him gently, “There’s bread, butter, jam, and Milo. You can make your own breakfast.”

He blinked at me as if I’d asked him to solve an equation. Later that day, I brought him to a nearby restaurant for lunch and told him, “Go ahead, choose what you’d like.” He froze. He couldn’t decide.

The menu overwhelmed him. Not because he didn’t understand what was written but because he’d never had to choose for himself. This became our daily rhythm: small steps in learning how to make decisions.

And then, one day, I gave him $10 and said, “This is your daily budget. I won’t be around for today. Use it wisely for lunch and dinner.” He was nervous. Unsure. What if he chose wrong? What if he didn’t have enough for dinner? But he figured it out. Not only did he feed himself, he saved some of that money.

He started understanding what freedom really meant not just being free from control, but being responsible with that freedom. This story came back to me last night while talking to a group of friends particularly someone new to Humanism and coming from a deeply religious background.

He said, “I find Humanism confusing. There’s no clear set of rules like in Islam. No fixed path. How do I know I’m doing it right?” And I thought he’s just like that boy on his first morning outside the home. When you’ve spent your whole life being told what’s right, what’s wrong, what to believe, what to wear, how to pray, what to eat suddenly being told “Now, choose for yourself” can feel terrifying.

That’s what moving from religion to non religious Humanism can feel like. Not a rejection of values, but a re-education in choice. Not because there are no principles, but because those principles are chosen not imposed.

Humanism doesn’t hand you a script. It asks: What do you value? What kind of person do you want to be? What kind of world do you want to help create? It’s not easy.

But it’s real. And over time, like the boy with his $10, you learn.

You grow. You take ownership. And slowly, that fear of choosing becomes the joy of living.