Phase 1: Passive Exposure
Begin with cute cat videos. Do not mention adoption. Do not discuss ownership. Simply allow the subject to accidentally encounter cat content.
Recommended starter videos:
• Kittens drinking milk from a bottle.
• Wobbly kitten ears.
• Sleeping kittens.
• Tiny squeaks.
Success Indicator: "Aiyoh... so cute."
Phase 2: Image Saturation
Increase cat exposure gradually.
One photo today.
One funny video tomorrow.
A rescue story next week.
Do not overwhelm the subject.
This is therapy, not warfare.
Phase 3: Story Introduction
Begin sharing stories about cats.
Examples:
"This community cat waits outside the coffee shop every morning."
"This rescued cat now sleeps on the owner's pillow."
The goal is emotional attachment.
The subject must start seeing cats as individuals rather than generic cats.
Phase 4: Controlled Cat Encounter
Arrange accidental meetings with community cats.
The cat must approach naturally.
No forcing.
No chasing.
No holding.
Allow the cat to perform its own public relations duties.
Recommended behaviours:
• Slow blink.
• Rolling on floor.
• Head rubbing.
• Looking impossibly adorable.
Phase 5: Normalisation
Begin inserting cats into everyday conversation.
Examples:
"This corner would be perfect for a cat bed."
"That shelf would make a nice cat shelf."
"That sunbeam is currently being wasted."
Phase 6: The Infiltration
Event : A cat enters the house.
Remain calm.
Observe the subject carefully.
If the subject says:
"Whose cat is this?"
Immediately reply:
"The cat has chosen our house."
Pause dramatically.
Then add:
"We should feel honoured."
Phase 7: Conversion
Symptoms include:
• Looking for cats when outdoors.
• Asking about a neighbourhood cat's whereabouts.
• Watching cat videos voluntarily.
• Carrying treats "just in case."
• Referring to a cat as "our cat" despite no official ownership.
At this stage, conversion is largely irreversible.
Advanced Module: Community Cat Philosophy
Remember:
Not every cat needs to belong to us.
Sometimes we are simply supporting actors in their story.
A treat provider.
A lap.
A scratching servant.
A meow translator.
Final Observation
Cat people believe they are training humans to love cats.
The truth is...
The cats are training everybody.
We're just helping with the administration.
🐱🧡
"The cat has chosen our house. We should feel honoured."™ 😆
AUGUST 2026
