I recently had a long conversation with a Christian who insisted, not once but several times that I am not an atheist. According to him, I am “actually more of an agnostic,” no matter how clearly I explained my own position. This is not the first time it has happened.
And I’ve come to realise: it won’t be the last. So why does this keep happening? Why do some believers insist on redefining us, as if our worldview requires their approval? The answer goes far deeper than simple misunderstanding.
[1] Rejecting the idea of God is emotionally traumatic for many believers
For many religious people, belief in God is not just a personal opinion. It is the foundation of their entire identity: their sense of safety their source of meaning their moral framework their childhood teachings their understanding of life, suffering, and death When someone says “I don’t believe in God,” what they hear is: “Your entire worldview might be wrong.” That is frightening even traumatic for someone whose whole life has been anchored in divine certainty. So instead of facing that discomfort, they reshape your identity to protect their own.
[2] Calling an atheist ‘agnostic’ is a psychological safety mechanism “Agnostic” feels softer. Less threatening. Less final. To them, “agnostic” means: You’re unsure You’re still searching You haven’t fully rejected God There’s still hope So they cling to that label because it keeps their worldview intact. It is not about accuracy. It is about emotional survival.
[3] Religious conditioning makes atheism seem impossible Many believers were raised hearing: “Atheists have no morals.” “Atheists hate God.” “Atheists are angry, lost, or confused.” “Atheism leads to hell.” So when they meet a thoughtful, kind, grounded human being who identifies as an atheist, it creates a contradiction: “She’s a good person… but atheists are supposed to be bad… so she can’t be an atheist!” To resolve this cognitive dissonance, they relabel you as “agnostic.” Not because they understand you but because they were taught to fear the word atheist.
[4] A humanist atheist challenges their stereotypes Most religious people have never met an atheist who lives ethically without divine command. When you say: “I reject the existence of God. I live by humanist values.” You become living evidence that: morality does not require religion kindness does not require scripture meaning does not require divine authority This is deeply unsettling for some believers. So they soften your position not to honour your truth, but to protect their own assumptions.
[5] The real reason: atheism forces them to confront their own doubts Behind the insistence, there is often a quiet fear: What if she’s right? What if people can live good, meaningful lives without God? What if atheism isn’t the dangerous thing I was warned about? To avoid these questions, they reframe your stance into something less challenging. It’s easier for them to say: “You’re not really an atheist.” than to ask themselves: “Why do her reasons make so much sense to me?”
So where does this leave me? It leaves me in a very simple place: I know who I am. I do not require anyone’s validation or permission to define my worldview. I reject the notion of the existence of God. I do not believe in any supernatural power.
And at this moment in my life, I identify clearly as: **A Humanist. An Atheist. And an individual who thinks for herself.**
People are free to draw their own conclusions, but they cannot speak for me. They cannot rewrite my convictions to soothe their discomfort. They cannot soften my identity to protect their fears. Atheism, for me, is not a rebellion.
It is clarity. It is honesty. It is the freedom to live a life grounded in reality, compassion, and reason. And no one absolutely no one has the authority to redefine that for me.
November 2025
