How did I navigate being an ex-Muslim without cutting ties with my family?
That’s a powerful and deeply personal question and I understand why it might seem almost impossible. For many of us who’ve left the faith, especially one so embedded in culture and family life, it can feel like walking a tightrope between personal integrity and familial expectations.
For me, it began with accepting that I am an independent person emotionally, intellectually, and financially. I don’t live my life to meet others’ expectations. That sense of autonomy gave me the grounding I needed to make my own choices. Of course, my family struggled to accept it. Some gave up on me. Some tried to cut me off. There were threats. There was anger. But I didn’t retaliate with the same energy. I distanced myself, yes but I never stopped caring.
When my father fell ill, I was there. Not because I had to prove anything, but because he was my father. I stayed with him until the very end. The same with my brother, a devout born-again Muslim who once threatened violence against me. Life came full circle when he became unwell and he came knocking. I opened the door. I took care of him until he passed.
You see, this is what I’ve learned: they may reject you when you're strong, but they’ll remember your presence when they’re vulnerable. And when that time comes, you have a choice. My choice has always been to uphold my humanity. I don’t need a religion to tell me to love or care for others.
I do it because it’s the right thing to do.
So yes navigating family relationships as an ex-Muslim is tough. Painful, even. But it’s not about cutting ties completely. It’s about holding your ground without closing your heart. You can maintain boundaries and compassion. Distance, when necessary but not abandonment.
We may be without religion, but we are not without values. That, to me, is the core of who I am.
