It is said our mind are never at peace…. Our mind is
always processing thoughts and emotions. If our mind is
the battlefield many wants to possess, my mind is the
field where the "I","ME" and "MYSELF" fought the battle
to dispossess themselves from each other……
[ SELF ] : See that piece of quilt bedspread … and look at that lovely cross stitch table cloth… so delicate
but awesome… it's really beautiful.

[ I and ME ]  : yes nice… wonder how they do it?

SELF ] addressing to I : Easy once you have mastered the art…… bet you can never do it.

I  ] : What do you mean can never do … of course I can…

SELF ] : No you can't

 I  ] : Yes I can"

SELF ] : You do not have the patience……you're too impulsive and arrogant. Moreover sewing is
definitely not for people like you."

I ] : What do you mean not for people like me… what is wrong with me? There is
nothing wrong with me!"

ME ] : Sewing is for the dainty... the ladylike... the homely"

I ] : So what! I can definitely do it….its so simple. I can learn fast and do fast…"

ME ] : Prove to us then"

SELF ] : Yes proof to us how good you are"

After a while… as I sitting with her latest project thinking to herself "now how do I get trap in this
situation?" This is too tired some….. Time consuming….. But I can't stop now… I must complete it…. I can't
stop half way…
they will laugh at me. I must prove to them that I will complete it and does it well"

"So... how? Difficult… you can stop it you know if you want to. Don't have to force yourself…." Teased the

 I  ] : No…. its not difficult. I will complete it as I promise"

…and so the battle goes on and on… until I eventually learns the effect of sewing. Sewing can be very
therapeutic. It's about creativity, about maintaining
your focus, about endurance but more important is a
good test for your patience. It's an effective form of hand therapy if you have problem disciplining your
patience or anger, sewing will do you wonders. In cross stitch, every stitch is
important because it
continue from one to another. Once the thread breaks in
between, it will affect the whole line. You have to
remove and redo it all over
again. Even the needle you use must be correct. It cannot be too small or will
not fit the thread, or too big as it will cause an uneven line. Sewing is like
binding one to another, a
continuation of the next like our lives. All our action is important because it will have an effect on the

Amongst all the different sewing projects crazy quilt is the best. Crazy quilt is fun. It does not follow a
particular pattern, often free flow by nature and you need to be extremely creative to produce a piece
work of art from crazy quilting. That is what it actually does, putting all the different fabric from all the
different designs together can drive you nuts, but the final output : A beautiful art piece that you can
proudly hang on your wall or use as bed sheet covers or whatever. It is to remain sane in an insane world.

I realized that once she start quilting especially by hand, time seems to slow down. I could do a lot within a
short period time, different from creating website, One can have this sensation of spending hours in front
of the computer and yet have accomplish nothing much.

Speed gives us this sensation of power and momentum, which we allow to rule our daily lives. We feel, if
we move with speed, we are in control. We have the power to master our life. But are we? Earth is in the
move all the time. The cessation of movement or stagnation is the beginning of the end. Thus it is natural
for us to move together in the same speed as the Earth. In this modern world, we are made to believe that
the world is moving at a faster rate, and the only way to keep it up is to move along with the speed, only
then our life will work. Does it?

I've suddenly stop sewing for reason unknown. The machine have been functioning so well and then
suddenly one day when I'm about to recommence, it refused to move. I checked the parts. Dismantle them
all and do a thorough cleaning… removing the dust and such, but the needle refused to move. Even when
it does, it didn't attach the thread to each other as it should be. I sat there puzzled. After a while I walked
out from the sewing room and never came back. And so it has been left like that the abandoned projects
still lying on the table in my sewing room… Every time I walked passed, I looked inside reassuring
myself "I must start again. Must find out why the machine didn't work… or perhaps machine too like us
humans… after along time goes into crash and burn……..so let it be for a while… until such a time… then I
will come back and continue where I've left…" and it have been left……not sure for how long now.

Guruji said he wants to come over for a visit for some time now, but it never materializes. Its okay I told
guruji, maybe the time is not right. When the time is right, we will meet again, if not this life time perhaps
the next ... I reassure myself. And so life goes on as it should be.... until the dream…..

I heard their voice talking… cannot be I said to myself. He cannot be here, and then whose voice is that….
and there he was, at the breakfast table with husband chatting happily away. I was stunt…..now where
did he come from? I thought he said he can't make it… but there he was. He greeted me as Husband left for

"Quick….aren't you not suppose to do the foot reflexology for somebody?" he asked

"Foot reflexology?"

"Yes……. This person came earlier to ask me to remind you"

"He did?" and so I left to not sure where……..for the foot reflexology session. Why foot reflexology, I asked
myself several time. Well yes I do believe in the therapeutic effect of foot reflexology but ……

As I entered the house after the session, there he was…he is still around, standing in the middle of the room,
with my boxes of quilt fabric. He was sorting them out…I look at him puzzled. What is he doing?

"Come on... Why are you standing there watching…..I've already sorted these materials for you... Now take
this… this fabric is for that pile… yes yes put it there………this one is for the other pile" and so he goes on and
on.. Sorting one by one. I followed his instruction... Puzzled and amuse. This whole scene looks hilarious. Why
are we standing here sorting my quilting material? And how did he get those boxes down here. They are huge
and heavy. For a man of his size no way he can carry them by himself. Oh! Well in dreams anything is possible.
Even hubby would not want to go into the room and mess around with my sewing things… it's a no go zone.

"There you are……all sorted out. You can start putting the entire piece together again, yes?"

"Yes" I responded softly as I look at the piles of fabric around me. I can see it......I can feel it.........but I do not
feel guilty about it…..I know I must do something about it one of these day........but I don't know when. I can still
hear the voices....whispering softly within "I've sorted out the fabric. When are you going to start stitching

And old friend came by for a visit couple of days ago… and from his bag he took out "Crazy quilt". I scream
of joy like always, not sure why, is it because of the word crazy quilt or the book itself. I love both. I have
so many quilting books in my library, and yet to see one as my dear friend from across the continent came,
bring delight and joy. You must have it because it is one step to the complete collection you already have
even thought you know this completeness is not a total complete. A great collection is vast, they are never
complete. This whole senses of incomplete triggers the desire for completeness. Suddenly I began to
visualize the scene in my head.

"Guruji, I'm going to visit Nora again. What shall I bring for her this time? I want to bring her something she
will really like" asked this good old friend.  And the voice told him.

As I browse through the pages, suddenly the image came back again in the head, the image of Him
standing amongst the piles of fabric sorting them out for me. The whispers becoming stronger each day
even so after my special guest has gone home…"Nora when are you going to start?"

"Why don't you get a new sewing machine?" A friend remarked.

"I was thinking of the same too. Yeah! Why not just get a new sewing machine. Why waste time with this
one.......just dumb it one side and let it waste. Over a period of time it will get rusty.....and we just throw it
away.... Until one day, as I was lazying around with my daughter, suddenly she asked: "Ma what happen to
the blankie you promise you will sew for me. I really need a new blankie........."

"Ma can't sew"

"why?" she asked

"the machine broke down.....not actually broke down. Ma don't know what happen. The machine just gone
on strike.......refusing to function"

"Oh!.... Then why not sew by hand. You can sew by hand right. I remember you showed me the picture
hanging in the study room of two lion sitting overlooking the mountains.... You said you sew it by hand on
your own while waiting for me to come out from your stomach. Why can't you do it now?"

As the years pass, I'm beginning to understand about motherhood and wife hood. I know now that I still
have a long way to go.....I've still got a lot to learn. Previously life is so free. If I feel like going somewhere,
I just disappear to the No Man Land. No responsibilities .. Nobody to answer to. But one cannot walk
away from problem. Running away is not the answer. You have to face it and go through with it. Its how you
handle each situation. That is what living is all about.

Yes why can't I do it by hand. Isn't that is how it all begin.... You know the problem. The sewing machine is
nothing but a tool for us... To make our daily life easy and comfortable. Over a period of time we become so
attach that when they break down or taken away from us, we become so helpless and cripple. We get
ourselves trap. When the mind has become so cripple, like the bird trap in its own cage
The Wandering Minds
The Journals